11/21/08
10/17/08
Work Beef-A-Roni
Some days I think I would be better off if I quit my job, got 2 part tim jobs and called it a fucking day. I'd probably work more weekends, have less money & benefits but I can't imagine I could be any less happy on days like this. I would probably have a lot less stress.
today i went into my boss' office (he who is usually pleasant with me) and started asking him questions, which he answered. after a few questions he snapped at me and told me i was interrupting him. uhhhh--hey fuckface, i'm interrupting you because i'm trying to do my job. you never seem to have a problem with interrupting me when i'm busy and i never tell you that i'm too busy to answer your questions.
i'm in a shitty mood today. i didnt have coffee and i really wanted some. i had a decent lunch though. i topped it off with cake batter ice cream from cold stone. yay for coldstone and yay for sonic cheeseburgers.
today i went into my boss' office (he who is usually pleasant with me) and started asking him questions, which he answered. after a few questions he snapped at me and told me i was interrupting him. uhhhh--hey fuckface, i'm interrupting you because i'm trying to do my job. you never seem to have a problem with interrupting me when i'm busy and i never tell you that i'm too busy to answer your questions.
i'm in a shitty mood today. i didnt have coffee and i really wanted some. i had a decent lunch though. i topped it off with cake batter ice cream from cold stone. yay for coldstone and yay for sonic cheeseburgers.
10/10/08
9/19/08
an email from my mother-in-law
so my mother in law called me last night to ask me for my email address because she wants to send me a letter. most of my three readers will understand why that might make me nervous. we havent always had the best relationship and the last piece of correspondence from one of us to the other wasn't so nice. but that was about 3 years ago. the last few visits, things seem to be improving in terms of our relationship, much to the appeasement of my husband. part of me wonders if it's going to be mushy and make me cry or of some of it will make me angry and make me want to call her and scream...but we'll see.
9/9/08
Jack Wheeler is and idiot. Period.
A friend of mine posted this on her myspace a few days ago. I read it and my first reaction was, "are you fucking serious? people actually believe this shit???" Then I realized, the person who posted it is not an idiot--and she believes it. she's a fully rational thinking human being--and a democrat. I didn't want to upset her with a response that wasn't rational and researched. So I took a few days and mulled over it. Now, I am posting it here because I want everyone who sees it to know how ridiculous it is. It is an article by a man named Jack Wheeler He is highly educated and supposedly intelligent. But he spews shit like this.
it's also worth mentioning that Mr. Wheeler also accused John McCain of collaborated with the communists during his captivity.
MY COMMENTS IN RESPONSE TO THE ARTICLE ARE IN RED.
Jack Wheeler is a brilliant man who was the author of Reagan's strategy to break the back of the Soviet Union with the star wars race and expose their inner weakness. For years he wrote a weekly intelligence update that was extremely interesting and well structured and informed. He consults(ed) with several mega corporations on global trends and the future, etc. I think he is in semi-retirement now. He is a true patriot with a no-nonsense approach to everything. He is also a somewhat well known mountain climber and adventurer.
I love the way the email precludes itself with credits to Jack Wheeler and his brilliance. This man is far from brilliant. He is insane. Although, I find it hard to believe that with his education and professional experience that he actually believes the shit that he spews in this article. Actually I think he may just be trying to get a rise out of people. The problem is there are people who take what he says as the gospel and will vote based on his comments.
Written by Dr. Jack Wheeler The O-man, Barack Hussein Obama, is an eloquently tailored empty suit. No resume, no accomplishments, no experience, no original ideas, no understanding of how the economy works, no understanding of how the world works, no balls, nothing but abstract empty rhetoric devoid of real substance.
No accomplishments? What about receiving 18 million votes in the Primaries? What about teaming up with REPUBLICAN, DICK LUGER on an initiative to lock down and secure both nuclear and conventional weapons worldwide, such as the shoulder-fired, anti-aircraft missiles that have been proliferating in recent years.
He has no real identity. He is half-white, which he rejects. The rest of him is mostly Arab, which he hides but is disclosed by his non-African Arabic surname and his Arabic first and middle names as a way to triply proclaim his Arabic parentage to people in Kenya . Only a small part of him is African Black from his Luo grandmother, which he pretends he is exclusively.
the only family I ever hear Barack Obama give credit to are his mother, grandmother and grandfather—last I checked they are all white. What is “Arab”?? The term “Arab” refers to Arabic-speaking countries. It is not a race. How can you be ‘mostly’ arab? This is a ridiculous claim. Moreover, he didn’t choose his name so how can he ‘proclaim’ anything to do with it???
What he isn't, not a genetic drop of, is 'African-American, ' the descendant of enslaved Africans brought to America chained in slave ships. He hasn't a single ancestor who was a slave. Instead, his Arab ancesto rs were slave owners. Slave-trading was the main Arab business in East Africa for centuries until the British ended it.
The term ‘African American’ is not reserved specifically for descendants of slaves. Here is how Wikipedia describes ‘African Americans’:
African Americans or Black Americans are citizens or residents of the United States who have origins in any of the black racial groups of Africa.[5] In the United States, the term is generally used for Americans with at least partial Sub-Saharan African ancestry. Most African Americans are the descendants of Africans who survived the slavery era within the boundaries of the present United States, although some are — or are descended from — voluntary immigrants from Africa, the Caribbean, South America, or elsewhere.[6] African Americans make up the single largest racial minority in the United States,[7] though Hispanics compose the largest ethnic minority.[8]
Let that sink in: Obama is not the descendant of slaves, he is the descendant of slave owners. Thus he makes the perfect Liberal Messiah.
Wouldn’t that actually make him the perfect Conservative Messiah? Let’s just be honest about that.
It's something Hillary doesn't understand - how some complete neophyte came out of the blue and stole the Dem nomination from her. Obamamania is beyond politics and reason. It is a true religious cult, whose adherents reject Christianity yet still believe in Original Sin, transferring it from the evil of being human to the evil of being white.
Stole??? He won with 18million votes. That’s not a steal. It’s an ass-whoopin. How can anyone tell me that I reject Christianity just because I am an obama supporter? Does this man know the personal thoughts of every single Obama supporter? I doubt it.
Thus Obama has become the white liberals' Christ, offering Absolution from the Sin of Being White. There is no reason or logic behind it, no faults or flaws of his can diminish it, no Arguments Hillary could make of any kind can be effective against it. The absurdity of Hypocrisy Clothed In Human Flesh being their Savior is all the more cause for liberals to worship him: Credo quia absurdum, I believe it because it is absurd. Thank heavens that the voting majority of Americans remain Christian and are in no desperate need of a phony savior.
His candidacy is ridiculous and should not be taken seriously by any thinking American.
This article should not be taken seriously by any thinking American.
Pass this on to every thinking American you know!
Sure thing, no problem. But it will have my comments.
it's also worth mentioning that Mr. Wheeler also accused John McCain of collaborated with the communists during his captivity.
MY COMMENTS IN RESPONSE TO THE ARTICLE ARE IN RED.
Jack Wheeler is a brilliant man who was the author of Reagan's strategy to break the back of the Soviet Union with the star wars race and expose their inner weakness. For years he wrote a weekly intelligence update that was extremely interesting and well structured and informed. He consults(ed) with several mega corporations on global trends and the future, etc. I think he is in semi-retirement now. He is a true patriot with a no-nonsense approach to everything. He is also a somewhat well known mountain climber and adventurer.
I love the way the email precludes itself with credits to Jack Wheeler and his brilliance. This man is far from brilliant. He is insane. Although, I find it hard to believe that with his education and professional experience that he actually believes the shit that he spews in this article. Actually I think he may just be trying to get a rise out of people. The problem is there are people who take what he says as the gospel and will vote based on his comments.
Written by Dr. Jack Wheeler The O-man, Barack Hussein Obama, is an eloquently tailored empty suit. No resume, no accomplishments, no experience, no original ideas, no understanding of how the economy works, no understanding of how the world works, no balls, nothing but abstract empty rhetoric devoid of real substance.
No accomplishments? What about receiving 18 million votes in the Primaries? What about teaming up with REPUBLICAN, DICK LUGER on an initiative to lock down and secure both nuclear and conventional weapons worldwide, such as the shoulder-fired, anti-aircraft missiles that have been proliferating in recent years.
He has no real identity. He is half-white, which he rejects. The rest of him is mostly Arab, which he hides but is disclosed by his non-African Arabic surname and his Arabic first and middle names as a way to triply proclaim his Arabic parentage to people in Kenya . Only a small part of him is African Black from his Luo grandmother, which he pretends he is exclusively.
the only family I ever hear Barack Obama give credit to are his mother, grandmother and grandfather—last I checked they are all white. What is “Arab”?? The term “Arab” refers to Arabic-speaking countries. It is not a race. How can you be ‘mostly’ arab? This is a ridiculous claim. Moreover, he didn’t choose his name so how can he ‘proclaim’ anything to do with it???
What he isn't, not a genetic drop of, is 'African-American, ' the descendant of enslaved Africans brought to America chained in slave ships. He hasn't a single ancestor who was a slave. Instead, his Arab ancesto rs were slave owners. Slave-trading was the main Arab business in East Africa for centuries until the British ended it.
The term ‘African American’ is not reserved specifically for descendants of slaves. Here is how Wikipedia describes ‘African Americans’:
African Americans or Black Americans are citizens or residents of the United States who have origins in any of the black racial groups of Africa.[5] In the United States, the term is generally used for Americans with at least partial Sub-Saharan African ancestry. Most African Americans are the descendants of Africans who survived the slavery era within the boundaries of the present United States, although some are — or are descended from — voluntary immigrants from Africa, the Caribbean, South America, or elsewhere.[6] African Americans make up the single largest racial minority in the United States,[7] though Hispanics compose the largest ethnic minority.[8]
Let that sink in: Obama is not the descendant of slaves, he is the descendant of slave owners. Thus he makes the perfect Liberal Messiah.
Wouldn’t that actually make him the perfect Conservative Messiah? Let’s just be honest about that.
It's something Hillary doesn't understand - how some complete neophyte came out of the blue and stole the Dem nomination from her. Obamamania is beyond politics and reason. It is a true religious cult, whose adherents reject Christianity yet still believe in Original Sin, transferring it from the evil of being human to the evil of being white.
Stole??? He won with 18million votes. That’s not a steal. It’s an ass-whoopin. How can anyone tell me that I reject Christianity just because I am an obama supporter? Does this man know the personal thoughts of every single Obama supporter? I doubt it.
Thus Obama has become the white liberals' Christ, offering Absolution from the Sin of Being White. There is no reason or logic behind it, no faults or flaws of his can diminish it, no Arguments Hillary could make of any kind can be effective against it. The absurdity of Hypocrisy Clothed In Human Flesh being their Savior is all the more cause for liberals to worship him: Credo quia absurdum, I believe it because it is absurd. Thank heavens that the voting majority of Americans remain Christian and are in no desperate need of a phony savior.
His candidacy is ridiculous and should not be taken seriously by any thinking American.
This article should not be taken seriously by any thinking American.
Pass this on to every thinking American you know!
Sure thing, no problem. But it will have my comments.
9/8/08
Isabella
A week ago today I witnessed the most amazing thing i ever have in my life. my niece, Isabella was born to my younger sister, Brandi.
The whole experience was incredible. I was at the hospital when my nephew Jacob was born, and was 17 when my brother was born. I've held newborn babies before. But it has never affected me the way Isabella has. I don't know if it's the fact that I was actually there when she was born or because I am getting to the age where if i'm going to have children, i'd like to do it soon. But i'm still torn on the subject. apart from not likely being able to naturally have children, i am not really in a place to adopt. but the desire is definitely there. it could fade, or it might not. but i know that when i look at her, i see perfection. innocence. blank canvas. it's such an amazing feeling to just hold her in my hands. i know i'm not amerigo vespucci (sp?) here, discovering america. i'm not the only one who has ever felt this way, i'm certain. But the feeling is new to me.
ANyway, enough about me and my feelings. look at this beautiful child...
8/27/08
August 26. YES!!!!
So for the past four months I've been working on my boss' campaign for city council. He was appointed in March but the seat was up for election. We have spent endless hours campaigning, designing ads, designing the logo, sending out letters, making phone calls, raising money, etc....everything that goes into the campaign machine. And yesterday all of the hard work came to fruition. He won 73% of the vote...an amazing feat, even for an incumbent. Now I'm no fool, i know he did most of the work, and it was mostly about him and his relationship with the citizens of his community but I couldnt help but feel incredibly proud of myself and the work that I had done. I spent many hours at night, weekends, away from my husband, have barely kept up with friends and it was an unbelievalbe experience. I learned so much.
Now I have to spend some time catchin up with my husband, family & friends who i've neglected in the past few months.
I must admit, though, last night when the victory party was over I was driving home. I couldn't help but feel a little sadness. This campaign had become my baby. I had put so much effort and time into it that I couldnt imagine not thinking about the next finance report being due,how much money we had raised to date, sending out flyers, etc...I found myself wondering what I was going to do this weekend....if not campaigning.
Now I have to spend some time catchin up with my husband, family & friends who i've neglected in the past few months.
I must admit, though, last night when the victory party was over I was driving home. I couldn't help but feel a little sadness. This campaign had become my baby. I had put so much effort and time into it that I couldnt imagine not thinking about the next finance report being due,how much money we had raised to date, sending out flyers, etc...I found myself wondering what I was going to do this weekend....if not campaigning.
8/13/08
FALL FOR YOU
the best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
could it be that we have been this way before
i know you dont think that i am trying
i know you're wearing thin down to the core
but hold your breath because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you
over again.
don't make me change my mind
i wont live to see another day, i swear its true
because a girl like you's impossible to find
you're impossible to find
this is not what i intended
i always swore to you i'd never fall apart
you always thought that i was stronger
i may have failed but i have loved you from the start
but hold your breath because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you
over again.
don't make me change my mind
i wont live to see another day, i swear its true
because a girl like you's impossible to find
you're impossible to find
i didnt write this, it's a song by Secondhand Serenade. I find the lyrics to be absolutely beautiful. listen for yourself:
could it be that we have been this way before
i know you dont think that i am trying
i know you're wearing thin down to the core
but hold your breath because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you
over again.
don't make me change my mind
i wont live to see another day, i swear its true
because a girl like you's impossible to find
you're impossible to find
this is not what i intended
i always swore to you i'd never fall apart
you always thought that i was stronger
i may have failed but i have loved you from the start
but hold your breath because tonight will be the night that i will fall for you
over again.
don't make me change my mind
i wont live to see another day, i swear its true
because a girl like you's impossible to find
you're impossible to find
i didnt write this, it's a song by Secondhand Serenade. I find the lyrics to be absolutely beautiful. listen for yourself:
8/11/08
listen and learn
this song is awesome. i dont care what anyone says about new kids on the block. they rock the shit. this is the soundtrack to my childhood.
i miss my donnie doll.
i miss my donnie doll.
8/9/08
an observation
his eyes need her
his embrace is empty without her
his smile reflects her
not he without her
his kiss wants her
his fingers touch her
his body for her
not he without her
her scent, intoxicating
her smile, his duty
her eyes, forever
not he without her
his embrace is empty without her
his smile reflects her
not he without her
his kiss wants her
his fingers touch her
his body for her
not he without her
her scent, intoxicating
her smile, his duty
her eyes, forever
not he without her
randoms
so i havent blogged in almost a month! i have been so busy at work--we're in the middle of a trial so we just don't have a minute to breath. i was there until 9:30 one night last week. craziness, i tell ya.
i went to a wedding today--some people pissed me off. it was outside at a beautiful place in boca. it was not incredibly formal, it was nice & the bride was beautiful. i'm so happy for my girl. she has been through the wringer. anyhow. the people who pissed me off. there were about 6 people who got out of their chairs during the ceremony and walked BEHIND THE OFFICIANT TO TAKE PICTURES. so now, all of the professional pictures of them at the altar are going to have these fools standing there taking pictures. it really annoyed the shit out of me. and i wasnt the only one. seriously--who does that?
a high school classmate of mine was sentenced to 6 years in prison the other day. last year he was in a car accident (he was drinking & driving) and his friend who was the passenger was killed. someone blogged about how devastating it is that he was sentenced to 6 years. okay. i love my friends. i don't ever want to see any of them go through something like this. but--he was drinking and driving. he killed someone. the only people my heart will let me weep for right now are the family of the person killed and ryan's parents who i'm sure are devastated right now.
ok i know that seems cold--but ugh. ok i'm off that subject.
a friend of mine, tiffay, has a website...check it out: www.myweightlossreality.com. she wrote this in the "about me" section: Not being able to fit into theme park seats, airplane seats and restaurant booths. How about losing your breath while trying to tie your shoes, changing your clothes and walking up even a short stair case. Refusing to flirt with anyone your attracted to because of your size. The feeling of being stared at by others in public. Depression!!!, Anxiety!!!, Insomnia!!! and everything else you can think of!!!" i just want to say, tiff, i feel you on all of the above. that literally brought tears to my eyes because all of those things describe me too, and know that you are not the only one who has dealt with those things.
ciao
i went to a wedding today--some people pissed me off. it was outside at a beautiful place in boca. it was not incredibly formal, it was nice & the bride was beautiful. i'm so happy for my girl. she has been through the wringer. anyhow. the people who pissed me off. there were about 6 people who got out of their chairs during the ceremony and walked BEHIND THE OFFICIANT TO TAKE PICTURES. so now, all of the professional pictures of them at the altar are going to have these fools standing there taking pictures. it really annoyed the shit out of me. and i wasnt the only one. seriously--who does that?
a high school classmate of mine was sentenced to 6 years in prison the other day. last year he was in a car accident (he was drinking & driving) and his friend who was the passenger was killed. someone blogged about how devastating it is that he was sentenced to 6 years. okay. i love my friends. i don't ever want to see any of them go through something like this. but--he was drinking and driving. he killed someone. the only people my heart will let me weep for right now are the family of the person killed and ryan's parents who i'm sure are devastated right now.
ok i know that seems cold--but ugh. ok i'm off that subject.
a friend of mine, tiffay, has a website...check it out: www.myweightlossreality.com. she wrote this in the "about me" section: Not being able to fit into theme park seats, airplane seats and restaurant booths. How about losing your breath while trying to tie your shoes, changing your clothes and walking up even a short stair case. Refusing to flirt with anyone your attracted to because of your size. The feeling of being stared at by others in public. Depression!!!, Anxiety!!!, Insomnia!!! and everything else you can think of!!!" i just want to say, tiff, i feel you on all of the above. that literally brought tears to my eyes because all of those things describe me too, and know that you are not the only one who has dealt with those things.
ciao
7/17/08
Reasons...
Sometimes I bitch about my life and the things wrong with it. Sometimes I hate thing about my life. Somtimes I love things about my life. I'm very hot & cold. Call it crazy, whacky, or call it pisces. Whatever you call it, it's who I am. I can turn on and off in a matter of seconds. Maybe I should be medicated.
In recent weeks I've found that I've lost a lot of the steam I had going in Chicago. (I know people are probably sick of me bitching about Chicago & not being there anymore. But I don't care) When I was there I felt so alive. I felt so ready to tackle the world. Now I just feel like I'm ready to sleep. Maybe it's Florida & the steamy weather. Maybe it's just me being a pussy. In Chicago, it was cold and anyone who knows me knows I LOVE cold weather. I love being cold. It makes me feel alive. Plus, the hustle & bustle of the city made me feel like I was part of something...it was probably all in my head. But when you've only seen places like that on TV--I mean, I've been to cities before, but I've never lived the city. It was Probably just the thrill of a new place. But, sometimes I have to remind myself of other reasons to have a good day. Other reasons to take care of myself. Other reasons that the day is not so bad.
So I thought I'd share with you my reasons...
(In no particular order)
This is my niece Hailey. She reminds me not to take life so seriously.
This is my brother Dalton. A reminder that I am getting old, but that if no one else in the world does, or if I feel like no one does,
someone loves me.
Jacob reminds me to slow down and look at the Fountain.
This is my nephew Evan. Isn't he beautiufl?
My niece Chelsea. Look at those cheeks. How can you not love that?
And finally, my nephew Shane. Because in his eyes, I'll always be "Pella."
Does this mean I'm going to stop bitching about things? No probably not. It just means that I'll think twice sometims and try to slow down and enjoy what's good about it.
In recent weeks I've found that I've lost a lot of the steam I had going in Chicago. (I know people are probably sick of me bitching about Chicago & not being there anymore. But I don't care) When I was there I felt so alive. I felt so ready to tackle the world. Now I just feel like I'm ready to sleep. Maybe it's Florida & the steamy weather. Maybe it's just me being a pussy. In Chicago, it was cold and anyone who knows me knows I LOVE cold weather. I love being cold. It makes me feel alive. Plus, the hustle & bustle of the city made me feel like I was part of something...it was probably all in my head. But when you've only seen places like that on TV--I mean, I've been to cities before, but I've never lived the city. It was Probably just the thrill of a new place. But, sometimes I have to remind myself of other reasons to have a good day. Other reasons to take care of myself. Other reasons that the day is not so bad.
So I thought I'd share with you my reasons...
(In no particular order)
This is my niece Hailey. She reminds me not to take life so seriously.
This is my brother Dalton. A reminder that I am getting old, but that if no one else in the world does, or if I feel like no one does,
someone loves me.
Jacob reminds me to slow down and look at the Fountain.
This is my nephew Evan. Isn't he beautiufl?
My niece Chelsea. Look at those cheeks. How can you not love that?
And finally, my nephew Shane. Because in his eyes, I'll always be "Pella."
Does this mean I'm going to stop bitching about things? No probably not. It just means that I'll think twice sometims and try to slow down and enjoy what's good about it.
6/30/08
Sometimes I hate myself--and I'm okay with that.
The last few weeks I have been in a really cranky mood and I feel sorry for everyone around me. I honestly do. This includes my husband, friends, co-workers, family members, everyone. I don't think anyone is safe from my wrath when I'm in this mood.
I don't really have an excuse, I've just been bitchy, for lack of a better word. I've been a complete bitch in every sense of the word. I hate getting out of bed in the morning, I hate getting a shower, I hate getting dressed, I hate going to work, I hate working. I hate talking to Antoine, I hate eating, I hate having to figure out what's for dinner, doing the dishes, etc. I know everyone hates doing certain things but at this moment I hate my life. I hate my weight, I hate myself for letting myself get to this point. I don't want to do anything about it. I hate that I don't keep in touch with friends that I love and I don't want to do anything about it at this point. I hate that I don't call family members who don't always have the time or means to call me. It would take 20 minutes on my Saturday to call them.
I hate that I can't have children. I hate that I don't want to spend the time to go to the doctor to take care of myself, even though I am getting old and now is really the time to do that. I hate myself for not taking my medicine like I'm supposed to and I hate that I don't care enough to do it.
I hate my new apartment. I hate cleaning it. I don't want to clean it. I have a living room full of unpacked boxes. I hate everything in them. I hate that I don't have the money to do certain things I want and need to do and I hate that I don't have the drive or ambition to do much more about it.
I hate work and everyone there. I hate that no one knows how to do shit and that I am the go-to person for everyfuckingthing. I hate that I am not strong enough to say 'enough.' I hate that I do not have the willpower to drive past a fast food restaurant, no matter how much good food is at home. I hate that I'll let it go to waste just because I'd rather have french fries & soda. I don't care.
That's my attitude right now and I really don't know what to do about it. Today is better. I told my mom I was sorry for being so snappy this weekend and she told me that she thought that I was mad at her. How could I be mad at her? She has done so much for me in the past few months--scratch that--in my entire life. I hate that I went all weekend acting like a cranky bitch and had my mom thinking that. I'm glad I cleared it up but I still feel like shit about it.
I don't really have an excuse, I've just been bitchy, for lack of a better word. I've been a complete bitch in every sense of the word. I hate getting out of bed in the morning, I hate getting a shower, I hate getting dressed, I hate going to work, I hate working. I hate talking to Antoine, I hate eating, I hate having to figure out what's for dinner, doing the dishes, etc. I know everyone hates doing certain things but at this moment I hate my life. I hate my weight, I hate myself for letting myself get to this point. I don't want to do anything about it. I hate that I don't keep in touch with friends that I love and I don't want to do anything about it at this point. I hate that I don't call family members who don't always have the time or means to call me. It would take 20 minutes on my Saturday to call them.
I hate that I can't have children. I hate that I don't want to spend the time to go to the doctor to take care of myself, even though I am getting old and now is really the time to do that. I hate myself for not taking my medicine like I'm supposed to and I hate that I don't care enough to do it.
I hate my new apartment. I hate cleaning it. I don't want to clean it. I have a living room full of unpacked boxes. I hate everything in them. I hate that I don't have the money to do certain things I want and need to do and I hate that I don't have the drive or ambition to do much more about it.
I hate work and everyone there. I hate that no one knows how to do shit and that I am the go-to person for everyfuckingthing. I hate that I am not strong enough to say 'enough.' I hate that I do not have the willpower to drive past a fast food restaurant, no matter how much good food is at home. I hate that I'll let it go to waste just because I'd rather have french fries & soda. I don't care.
That's my attitude right now and I really don't know what to do about it. Today is better. I told my mom I was sorry for being so snappy this weekend and she told me that she thought that I was mad at her. How could I be mad at her? She has done so much for me in the past few months--scratch that--in my entire life. I hate that I went all weekend acting like a cranky bitch and had my mom thinking that. I'm glad I cleared it up but I still feel like shit about it.
6/24/08
Apparently 8 isn't enough.
There's an attorney who works in my office who treats me and his secretary as if we are children. He is like 70 so it sorta makes sense. But, he sends me this email today that was about 5 paragraphs on how to do do something that is a routine office matter. We file briefs ALLLLLLL THE TIME......why do you feel the need to explain to me how to do ridiculous shit????
For instance...he spent 3 sentences explaining to me how to prepare a table of contents...and how to do leader tabs. I'm not even kidding. I'm going to copy it from the email. Be right back.
The Table of Contents needs to be formatted so that there is an item of content on the left side and a page number on the right side. I’ve formatted the location of the items of content, so don’t move the left margins or indents. Typically, a line of dots goes between the item and the page number, but if you cannot do that, I understand.
REALLY GARY? IS THAT WHAT THOSE CRAZY DOTS ARE???? WELL THANK YOU, I DON'T KNOW HOW I EVER GOT ON WITHOUT YOU HERE.
here's some more:
but we will have to change the page numbering. The cover page gets no page number. The Table of Contents all the way to the Statement of the Facts and of the Case is numbered with Arabic lower case numbers (i, ii, iii,…). Page numbers begin at the Statement of the Facts and of the Case and continue to the end of the brief.
i guess the other 50 briefs i've filed in the 8 years i've been a secretary probably wouldn't have been any indication how to format the brief.
We will also need to complete the Table of Citations.
FUNNY. THE LAST 50 BRIEFS I FILED DIDN'T HAVE TABLES OF CITATIONS. THIS IS NUTS!
We will need to SERVE one copy of the brief to opposing counsel, and one copy of the brief to the town attorney. We also need to mail the original and three copies of the brief to the First DCA, and efile the brief as well, in accordance with the local procedures (attached).
well you're so goddamn on top of things, why don't you just bind it and send it out yourself? i'm sure you can handle that...you have everything else in order.
IT JUST BLOWS ME AWAY.....i've been in a legal office for 8 years....i don't need someone to hold my fucking hand to file a brief. why don't you jsut show me where my keyboard is every morning. or better yet, walk me from my car to the front door.
/rant
For instance...he spent 3 sentences explaining to me how to prepare a table of contents...and how to do leader tabs. I'm not even kidding. I'm going to copy it from the email. Be right back.
The Table of Contents needs to be formatted so that there is an item of content on the left side and a page number on the right side. I’ve formatted the location of the items of content, so don’t move the left margins or indents. Typically, a line of dots goes between the item and the page number, but if you cannot do that, I understand.
REALLY GARY? IS THAT WHAT THOSE CRAZY DOTS ARE???? WELL THANK YOU, I DON'T KNOW HOW I EVER GOT ON WITHOUT YOU HERE.
here's some more:
but we will have to change the page numbering. The cover page gets no page number. The Table of Contents all the way to the Statement of the Facts and of the Case is numbered with Arabic lower case numbers (i, ii, iii,…). Page numbers begin at the Statement of the Facts and of the Case and continue to the end of the brief.
i guess the other 50 briefs i've filed in the 8 years i've been a secretary probably wouldn't have been any indication how to format the brief.
We will also need to complete the Table of Citations.
FUNNY. THE LAST 50 BRIEFS I FILED DIDN'T HAVE TABLES OF CITATIONS. THIS IS NUTS!
We will need to SERVE one copy of the brief to opposing counsel, and one copy of the brief to the town attorney. We also need to mail the original and three copies of the brief to the First DCA, and efile the brief as well, in accordance with the local procedures (attached).
well you're so goddamn on top of things, why don't you just bind it and send it out yourself? i'm sure you can handle that...you have everything else in order.
IT JUST BLOWS ME AWAY.....i've been in a legal office for 8 years....i don't need someone to hold my fucking hand to file a brief. why don't you jsut show me where my keyboard is every morning. or better yet, walk me from my car to the front door.
/rant
6/21/08
anticipate
anticipating...
your touch
your lips...anticipating
gentle caress
fingers intertwined
exploring the unknown
anticpating...
your kiss
your excitement
anticpating your ecstasy
your touch
your lips...anticipating
gentle caress
fingers intertwined
exploring the unknown
anticpating...
your kiss
your excitement
anticpating your ecstasy
Fat bitch.
Twice today I was reminded that I'm fat. I don't need reminding, people. I look in the mirror every day.
(I'm not looking for any pity or anyone to tell me that I'm beautiful or tell me not to be upset, blah blah blah--i've owned it. I am what I am. It is what it is)
I was at Footlocker looking at sneakers. I wear a size 11 in women's which is rather hard to find, but not impossible. So I'm talking to the guy @ Footlocker..."we don't carry any women's size 11...you're going to have to look at men's." Me: "well, men's shoes tend to be too big across the toes, I'll just go to another store." "The shoes are mostly unisex...(looks at my feet)...you have fat feet so men's shoes should fit you fine. Let me see if I can find some you like." wtf....who says that???? "you have fat feet"?????? not a way to sell shoes, fuckface. So I spent the next two hours feeling self-conscious about my feet, which by the way ARE NOT FAT. Especially for a size 11...yeah my feet are big...but they aren't fat. I can't wear women's wide shoes....they are too big. I don't have fat feet.
Then I was looking for a parking spot at another corner of the mall. I saw someone backing out, and stopped right behind them. Some asshole behind me pulled really close to me so that I couldn't back up at all. Then turned his signal on. I already had mine on. So I thought about just going on to look for another parking spot but I didn't. The person in the spot pulled out so that I could get in...what a dear. I had room to turn because the car I was in was rather small, just required a sharp turn. Anyhow, as I'm pulling into the spot, asshole behind me yells out the window, "FAT BITCH!" Okay. You got me. You threw the "f" word out there. I'm fat. Thanks for reminding me.
Ever notice how the word "fat" just makes being called a "bitch" ineffective. You could have just yelled, "hey fatty" and left the same effect.
You know, I know I'm "fat", "overweight"--whatever you want to call it. I've owned that. But why do people take every opportunity to point that out to me? Really????
/rant.
P.S. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me I'm beautiful, blah blah. Being fat and being beautiful are not mutually exclusive. I'm a bad motherfucker, no one has to tell me that.
(I'm not looking for any pity or anyone to tell me that I'm beautiful or tell me not to be upset, blah blah blah--i've owned it. I am what I am. It is what it is)
I was at Footlocker looking at sneakers. I wear a size 11 in women's which is rather hard to find, but not impossible. So I'm talking to the guy @ Footlocker..."we don't carry any women's size 11...you're going to have to look at men's." Me: "well, men's shoes tend to be too big across the toes, I'll just go to another store." "The shoes are mostly unisex...(looks at my feet)...you have fat feet so men's shoes should fit you fine. Let me see if I can find some you like." wtf....who says that???? "you have fat feet"?????? not a way to sell shoes, fuckface. So I spent the next two hours feeling self-conscious about my feet, which by the way ARE NOT FAT. Especially for a size 11...yeah my feet are big...but they aren't fat. I can't wear women's wide shoes....they are too big. I don't have fat feet.
Then I was looking for a parking spot at another corner of the mall. I saw someone backing out, and stopped right behind them. Some asshole behind me pulled really close to me so that I couldn't back up at all. Then turned his signal on. I already had mine on. So I thought about just going on to look for another parking spot but I didn't. The person in the spot pulled out so that I could get in...what a dear. I had room to turn because the car I was in was rather small, just required a sharp turn. Anyhow, as I'm pulling into the spot, asshole behind me yells out the window, "FAT BITCH!" Okay. You got me. You threw the "f" word out there. I'm fat. Thanks for reminding me.
Ever notice how the word "fat" just makes being called a "bitch" ineffective. You could have just yelled, "hey fatty" and left the same effect.
You know, I know I'm "fat", "overweight"--whatever you want to call it. I've owned that. But why do people take every opportunity to point that out to me? Really????
/rant.
P.S. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me I'm beautiful, blah blah. Being fat and being beautiful are not mutually exclusive. I'm a bad motherfucker, no one has to tell me that.
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